How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

  1. Have a purpose in life that interests you more than making everyone else happy. Maybe what you need is something that means more to you than making other people happy. Spending so much time on other people takes your time away from other things. Set a few exciting goals or another purpose that is highly meaningful to you.

  2. Start being a little selfish and see what happens. Perform a little experiment. Be 10% more selfish for a week and see what the results are. If the results are positive, try 20%. Keep going as long as the results appeal to you. The most successful people in the world are considerably more selfish than the average person. If you’re a chronic people pleaser, a little selfishness would be beneficial.

  3. Work on your self-esteem. If you cared about yourself more, you wouldn’t be so concerned with everyone else. People-pleasers are often lacking in self-esteem.
  1. Understand that people pleasers aren’t respected by others. People-pleasers want to be liked, but they don’t realize that they aren’t doing themselves any favors.

    Those that put everyone else above themselves aren’t respected by other people, because they don’t respect themselves. Being a people-pleaser is counterproductive to getting what you really want.
  1. Say “no” more often. The easiest way to put a stop to people-pleasing activity is to say “no” more frequently.

    “I know we haven’t spoken in ages, but would you give me a ride to the airport at 6am on Sunday?” “No. Sunday morning is my only day to sleep in. I have a rule to never miss it.”
  1. Ask others to do things for you. Turn the tables and ask other people to do you a favor now and then. It’s good practice for you, and other people will begin to see you in a new light.

    Make it a point to not do favors for anyone that consistently refuses to do you a favor.
  1. Pause. “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you.” This is easier than just saying “no” to someone’s request. It also shows people that you’re not going to jump at the opportunity to give up your time for someone. You can give a well thought out response after you’ve had some time to ponder the request.

  2. Set boundaries. Most people are willing to help out a friend to a point, but there’s a limit. Set your own limits. You might decide that you will never loan money to anyone. Or, you don’t do favors on the weekend or after 9:00 PM unless it’s an emergency. Maybe you won’t let anyone crash on your couch.

    It’s up to you what boundaries you set. Boundaries show people that you respect yourself and make it less likely that people will use you.

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